A Coffee called Simon

One of the few pleasures on the long drive back to Buxton from the Stoer Peninsular, is the thought that somewhere along the way you can stop and have a decent coffee. Now with Lillie the Collie acting as navigator, these are few and far between, because bless her, having assumed that everything is on auto pilot, or George, as I believe those in the know refer to it, she won’t stay still. This means that as I saunter off towards Starbucks, or Nero’s, or Costa for my coffee, I hear behind me the car alarm going off and as I turn round an excited Collie with her nose pressed to the window, looking very pleased with herself, is trying to get my attention to say how clever she is and can I come back now.
I should point out that before I have sauntered off to satisfy my caffeine habit, Lillie has been walked around the Motorway Service Station, had plenty of chances to have a poo, had water and a little snack. All I ask is that I can go for a comfort break and grab a coffee. So I turn the alarm off and ignoring her little face pressed to the window head off for that caffeine fix.
Abington services have amongst all the other gems in their retail offer a Starbucks. So I walked anxiously into the near empty Starbucks with one eye and ear straining to hear the sound of the car alarm going off. The barista or assistant barista as I suspected she actually was, greeted me and asked what I wanted.
Me
I’ll have an Americano, medium, with hot milk please.
Assistant Barista
And what are you calling your coffee sir?
Me (Slightly irritated)
Americano with…
Assistant Barista
No sorry Sir, what name would you like me to give your coffee?
Me (Confused)
Pardon, I don’t understand
Assistant Barista (poised with pen and my as yet empty coffee container in the other hand)
What would you like to be called sir?
Me (Now really flustered and worried because I can hear a car alarm drifting through the open door)
Name? My name?
(If I told you that, you’d be as clever as me, is what I didn’t say.)
Simon, its Simon
So she writes Simon down on the cup, see photograph.
And I get told to go to the end of the counter. So the Barista who now has my empty cup, which I have paid £2.70 for, starts engaging me in conversation.
2014-03-30 13.31.17
Barista (joyfully and almost singing a little song to herself)
So Simon, how’s your day going so far?
Me
Look, I’m in a hurry, my collie is in the car setting off the car alarm so please, PLEASE, just give me my coffee.
Barista
Would you like an extra shot in your Americano? Simon?
Me
No thank you, just an ordinary Americano please. Can we hurry this? (I searched for her name on her badge but could not see it.)
And so hurry she did. I guess she saw the look of worry and potential violence that had drifted across my by now worried and concerned face.
I grabbed the coffee and rushed to the car.
The indicators were flashing and the alarm alarming. And Lilly has her nose pressed to the window, and of course when she sees me she gets all excited.
Exhausted I slump into the driver’s seat and giving Lilly a big hug, and taking a long draught of the coffee, which I have to say is really excellent, I relax and have another sip out of my coffee called Simon.

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