When we got back off our holiday, if you can call time spent getting wet and staying in the worlds smallest cottage a holiday, Moonshine, the Hamster with the enormous testicles, was looking decidedly off colour. Apart from having a scruffy and unkempt appearance he was also fat. So fat that he got wedged in the tube that leads from his nest to the rest of his cage. The smallest BW was upset. He has a thing about fatness and fat people. Most of his stories from school begin with the words, “There was this fat boy…..”. So owning the worlds fattest hamster was an embarrassment too far. Something had to be done.

His solution was to buy Moonshine an extension to his cage, which basically is a hamster gym, the deluxe version. It consists of a huge wheel and various runs and little spaces which presumably hamsters like. Well Moonshine does anyway. From the worlds fattest hamster he has now become sleek and toned. This is good. I was tempted to tell our third team captain not to worry if we were short on a Saturday as we could always find a place for Moonshine on the team. Of course this is ridiculous as he would have been stepped on or squashed by the ball and then I would have had a difficult interview with Mrs BW . So The smallest BW is now proud of his little pet, in fact as I type this he has just brought him in to see me.

There is of course a down side. Hamsters prefer to exercise just when the rest of us are going to bed. The smallest BW has got used to the constant squeaking of the wheel as Moonshine goes round and round on his fruitless and pointless journey to nowhere. But I haven’t and I can hear him from our bedroom. So I have no alternative but to go back to listening to the World Service through my ear phones, a habit that I had managed to break for a few weeks. Never mind, who needs sleep anyway.

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